


The Adventures of Annie, the Refuses-To-Call-Them-Zombie Non-Slayer

by golden_orange



Series: The Alternate Adventures Of Annie Edison [1]
Category: Community
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Horror, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-09
Updated: 2011-02-09
Packaged: 2017-10-15 13:12:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/161133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/golden_orange/pseuds/golden_orange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re the Final Girl, Annie. The virginal last survivor who survives the battle, defeats the monsters and saves the day.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventures of Annie, the Refuses-To-Call-Them-Zombie Non-Slayer

**Author's Note:**

> So I’ve recently started to get into Community and I find myself drawn to Annie. Fortunately, there was a prompt on Babbles in the Fictorium's "Rewriting History" comment fic meme centring on her (Annie is the last one standing in either "Modern Warfare" or "Epidemiology") for me to exploit. This is the first time I’ve written this show or these characters, and honestly I haven’t caught up on a lot of the episodes, so I don’t know how successful they are, but I try anyway.
> 
> Also, there’s a bit of Annie / Jeff shippiness here; nothing that big (more sort of ‘mild crush’, but just letting you know. I should also point out that, contrary to what appearances may seem, I actually _do_ like Britta.
> 
> Enjoy!

_They_ (and the only word Annie seemed capable of using to describe them was ‘Them’, since they no longer seemed human enough for individual names, and she _refused_ to call them ‘zombies’) were beginning to pound on the cage gate when Abed noticed the window. He looked at her, with that intense, contemplative expression he usually had just before comparing something to visual media, before crouching down to give her a leg-up. “Go.”

 

“ _What_?!”

 

“You go ahead, Annie. I’ll hold them back. It has to be you. It makes sense.”

 

‘Makes sense’ to Abed usually meant ‘doesn’t make sense to anyone not Abed’. This was no different. “I’m not leaving without you, Abed! How could this make sense?”

 

“You’re the Final Girl, Annie. The virginal last survivor who survives the battle, defeats the monsters and saves the day.”

 

“Hey! I am _not_ a virgin!” Why did everyone keep _forgetting_ that? Okay, she’d been high on learning drugs, he was guy, it was pitch dark and she’d never even seen his penis, but it still _counted_ , darn it.

 

“Not traditionally, but it’s the twenty-first century, so I’ll allow it. Besides which, the Final Girl is usually a slasher movie trope anyway, so we’ll have to hope it crosses over into a zombie apocalypse. They usually end worse.”

 

Annie didn’t want to ask, but: “How?”

 

Abed shrugged. “Everyone dies, usually accompanied by an anti-consumerist or totalitarian metaphor.”

 

Oh, _poop_.

 

Stupid Jeff, Annie thought as she clambered onto Abed’s hand, clasping for the window. Stupid Jeff for letting Them in, and for his stupid metrosexual fashion sense and his fear of manic cats and his refusal to listen to anyone who was organized and his gorgeous eyes and his firm chest that she absolutely did _not_ fantasize about stroking while on a pirate ship dressed as a fair buxom maid.

 

Annie made it through the window and turned back to reach down, but saw the look in Abed’s eyes and didn’t. Couldn’t.

 

“Now go. Be the Final Girl, Annie. Make me proud.”

 

He made no sound as they broke through the gate and lunged towards him.

 

After a moment, Annie straightened her red riding hood and ran for the main entrance hall. And the thermostat.

 

++++

 

Dean Pelton may have been dressed like Lady Gaga, but he still had male private bits. He was clutching at them and whimpering something about the chain of command as Annie unlocked the main door to the library.

 

“Okay. You can do this, Annie. You’re the final girl. You’re like Buffy, or Xena. If they’d focussed more on their grades instead of fighting monsters. Ooooh...”

 _They_ were all stumbling around, looking hungry and infected and icky. And unfortunately, they all heard her come in.

 

“Okay,” Annie said in the same bossy tone she usually used whenever the study group had gotten off topic and was threatening her grade-point average in their latest group project, backed up by a confidence she wasn’t really feeling, “we can do this the easy way or the hard way.”

 

They all lunged towards her. Unfortunately, what _she_ thought was the ‘easy way’ and what _They_ thought was the ‘easy way’ turned out to be totally different. And there were a lot more of _Them_. Fortunately, they were kind of slow, stupid and lumbering, so it was at least possible to push past them.

 

“Ick! Ew! Oh, this is totally gross! Gah!”

 

Or punch, in certain cases. (And she couldn’t deny and she felt bad because of it, but it _was_ oddly satisfying to punch Britta in the face.)

 

 _Thwack_ “OW! Sorry Britta!”

 

 _Thwack_ “OW! Sorry Shirley!”

 

 _Thwack_ “OW! Sorry, Starburns!”

 

 _Thwack_ “OW! Sorry -- oh, it’s you, Pierce.”

 

 _Thw_  -- “... Jeff?”

 

Jeff stared at her blankly from where he leant on the wall. He’d been poking at his mobile phone. (Even as a zombie, he _had_ to be the coolest person in the room. Typical Jeff.) With speed Annie hadn’t expected, he lunged.

 

“Jeff, it’s me, Annie -- ”

 

From behind her, Troy grabbed her, snarling. At almost the same time as Jeff’s teeth sank into her neck (oh come _on_ , this is _so_ not how I wanted _this_ to happen ohmygoddon’teventhinkofthat), Troy’s teeth scratched her arm.

 

“Ahh! No! _Nooo_! Ahh -- eww, alright, enough! You got me, okay, you...”

 

Annie slumped against the wall, head spinning, as Jeff and Troy let go of her and stumbled away. She looked up, vision fogging over, at the thermostat on the wall on the wall. It seemed so far away, and she could suddenly hear her mother’s favourite disappointed sigh in her head; _Honestly, Annie, I don’t know_ why _you even bother, sometimes I wonder whether you can do_ anything _right..._

 

Weakly, arm trembling, she began to pull herself up the wall and reach for the thermostat.

 

 _Yeah? Screw_ you _, mom._

It seemed so far...

 

The last thing she felt before the fog cover her eyes was her fingers tapping the temperature control buttons.

 

+++++

 

Annie awoke a few minutes later slumped under the thermostat with a book open in her lap. The page it was open to was something about dominating parents.

 

Puzzled, she looked at the cover; _The Personal Efficiency Program: How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed and Win Back Control of Your Life._

 

Apparently her infected self shared her taste in reading. She made a note to check it out of the library when everything was back to normal.

 

All around her, people were stumbling around, looking confused and shivering as a cool breeze blew through the library. To her left, Britta was talking confusedly to Shirley as she rubbed her jaw; Annie felt another stab of guilt.

 

“Annie? You okay?”

 

Jeff was standing over her, head cocked, looking mildly concerned. Annie thought for a moment about his snarling face moments before, but smiled. “Fine, thank you.”

 

Behind her, she saw Abed, talking to Troy. Abed looked over her, nodded, and smiled faintly.

 

She’d done it. Annie had saved the day. She was the final girl. All _right_.

 

Of course, the government chose _that_ exact moment to wipe everyone’s memories of what had happened. But still, the feeling was nice while it lasted.


End file.
